I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
