My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
