I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
