all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
