So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
