if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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