Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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