cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
ok first of all what the fuck
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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