Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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