My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
wanna go halves on a baby?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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