Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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