Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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