Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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