yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
