I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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