I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I fill condoms, not promises.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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