I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
