I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
