i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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