I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
