If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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