That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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