How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
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I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
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Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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