Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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