just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumble strips road head = magical
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize