I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
