My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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