My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
