i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
