My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
