Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
