I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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