I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
