forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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