never play flip cup with pint glasses
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
