So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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