I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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