She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
