whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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