Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
