I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
