I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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