I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think my moral compass just broke
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
