his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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