I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There r osticjed everywhere
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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