I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
