I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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