4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
