Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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