he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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