I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
