Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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