:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
