If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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