Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
