I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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