im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think I won the penis lottery.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
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he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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