Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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