I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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