Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
