um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
