glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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