the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So much Jack, so little girl.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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