Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
